Monday, July 14, 2014

Day #104: Four years

Today I was struck with this thought:  four years ago I was very pregnant with my little guy and had two small children at home.  FOUR years ago.  It made me sad to think time has passed so quickly.  Since having him, life has been hard.  Being a mother to three kids born in the span of 3.5 years has been hard.  Adding a fourth to that has made it even harder, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

In those four years I can count on one hand the number of nights I have slept straight through.  I have changed countless diapers, spent years of my life breastfeeding, and doing my best to ensure my kids are safe, healthy, and loved.  I have struggled (and still do) with dark periods, wondering, pleading, for difficult phases to end and for some pep back in my step.  Motherhood is hard and anyone telling you it isn't is lying.

This might sound crazy, but I'd do anything to go back and do it all over again.  My kids are growing up fast.  Though I've been home with all of them since they were born, I feel like I've missed out on opportunities to just enjoy them being young and (fairly) innocent.  Despite feeling exhausted, frustrated, and depressed at times, I would turn back time and do it again.

Why?  Because soon my kids won't want to hang around the house and play anymore.  Their ritualistic play schemes will be a thing of the past and it will make me sad.  Just a memory.  Some days we need to dig deep, pull ourselves out of the trenches, and make sure we are observing the changes happening right before our eyes.  We need to embrace the ugly, the mess, and accept that soon this season will end and we will yearn for just one more day with our little ones.

In the blink of an eye those four years have passed.  I hate to think how quickly the next four will go...


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