Thursday, March 27, 2014

Day #8: The Painful Realization

*My intent with this project is to not be all down and negative, but I think it's important to work through the ugly to get to the beautiful.  Parenting and growing as an individual is certainly not all rainbows and roses!

Today was not a calm, positive day in our home.  I have been doing my best to keep calm, not yell, and redirect my children in a positive manner, but today I broke.  When dealing with a child who is not sleeping well and, therefore, not able to control his actions coupled with a child who complains, pouts, and whines about nearly every decision that doesn't meet his approval, it is so difficult not to reach a breaking point and explode.  Explode I did...sigh.

I know it was ugly.  There was so much crying, yelling, and screaming I just couldn't take it anymore.  If this was more of an isolated incident and not a movie that seems to replay itself repeatedly day after day, then perhaps I would have been able to react more calmly.  Driving in the van at that moment, though, I just couldn't calmly react.  I couldn't hear, I couldn't think, and I had simply had enough.

I came to the realization that there are times I just want to close the door or walk away.  I want a break from the incessant fighting, whining, crying, and tantrums.  I need to schedule time away, if even for a few hours here and there.  It is not healthy for any of us to be around each other nearly every waking minute of every day.  I don't want to be the crabby mom who yells and scolds her children.  I want them to know they are loved unconditionally and that they are good kids, but it is hard to convey that when you have reached the breaking point.    

I have a hard time explaining this to my husband and an even harder time finding the time to make it happen.  Perhaps I think my family depends on me more than they really do.  I am sure they would all survive if I took off for a weekend and surely they would make it if I took a day to myself on the weekend.  It's getting past the guilt, I suppose.  Time to rip off the bandaid and give it a try.

1 comment:

  1. I've been there, friend. I was there yesterday... Not the worst I've ever been, but a glimmer of it. One child lost his mind upon returning home from school. I tried listening to him. I tried a brief response. His tantrum begins, as he didn't get what he wanted. I tried explaining. Tantrum ensued. I PUT him in the garage and told him I wanted him to be able to come in and have lunch once he was able to be calm, kind, and respectful. He stayed out there and cried, so I started the dishes and ignored him. He eventually came in, making a big production, which I ignored. I don't know what I should have done differently. The whole walking away, shutting a door, breathing for a moment, yes, I need that to.

    This is the same child that woke up in a good mood, but lost his mind because someone said "good morning" to him first. This is also the child that was SO irritated when I pointed out the wild life while driving by the river on our way to school.

    Eggshells. I feel like I am walking on eggshells often.

    I'm hoping we can walk/run in the morning once it warms up a bit, which would give us both some time, some exercise and the opportunity and get to catch up.

    I used to go for a quick walk after my husband came home, really, just a 5-10 minute walk, but I've gotten away from that habit. I would come back home refreshed and ready for the next parenting shift. I think I need to try that again, too.

    Last thing, I've figured out that there are SO many things that my husband will never get, understand, be able to fully appreciate, BUT, if I tell him something is important to me, and it's reasonable, than I do hope/expect he'll work with me to try and make it happen. I certainly don't understand how it can be fun to go ice fishing for 5 days in freezing cold Minnesota, but it is important to him. He comes back renewed and refreshed, therefore I work with him to make it happen. You and your husband both deserve those opportunities to be renewed.

    I hope you can get a little time for yourself this weekend!