*My intent with this project is to not be all down and negative, but I think it's important to work through the ugly to get to the beautiful. Parenting and growing as an individual is certainly not all rainbows and roses!
Today was not a calm, positive day in our home. I have been doing my best to keep calm, not yell, and redirect my children in a positive manner, but today I broke. When dealing with a child who is not sleeping well and, therefore, not able to control his actions coupled with a child who complains, pouts, and whines about nearly every decision that doesn't meet his approval, it is so difficult not to reach a breaking point and explode. Explode I did...sigh.
I know it was ugly. There was so much crying, yelling, and screaming I just couldn't take it anymore. If this was more of an isolated incident and not a movie that seems to replay itself repeatedly day after day, then perhaps I would have been able to react more calmly. Driving in the van at that moment, though, I just couldn't calmly react. I couldn't hear, I couldn't think, and I had simply had enough.
I came to the realization that there are times I just want to close the door or walk away. I want a break from the incessant fighting, whining, crying, and tantrums. I need to schedule time away, if even for a few hours here and there. It is not healthy for any of us to be around each other nearly every waking minute of every day. I don't want to be the crabby mom who yells and scolds her children. I want them to know they are loved unconditionally and that they are good kids, but it is hard to convey that when you have reached the breaking point.
I have a hard time explaining this to my husband and an even harder time finding the time to make it happen. Perhaps I think my family depends on me more than they really do. I am sure they would all survive if I took off for a weekend and surely they would make it if I took a day to myself on the weekend. It's getting past the guilt, I suppose. Time to rip off the bandaid and give it a try.